I have this brilliant, in a sense God-gifted, ability to cry at the smallest inconveniences. If you feel the same way, welcome to the club. It’s just you and me here.
We began our journey on this earth crying. It is the most beautiful, reassuring and blessed sound to a mother, the family and the doctor who delivered you. After that, every single time you cry, everyone everywhere begins to find a way to make it stop. At first, crying usually means discomfort, hunger, illness, etc. Then it turns to attention-seeking, stubbornness and so much more. When you go somewhat past 12 years old, crying becomes a weakness. By the time you become officially an adult, which is 18 in our country, crying is considered a major flaw. Nobody cares if you cry alone, but Lord forbid if you do it in front of someone else, immediately it becomes an embarrassment. You become an embarrassment. Your parents worry that you wouldn’t survive two days in this cruel, unfair, ruthless world, and they are right. The second you lose control of your emotions is the moment people start to point out your weaknesses, the things that make you cry. It is not just a mere problem; it legitimately decides how you will end up in the future, who you will end up with and what you will become. As a certified crybaby, there is no polite way to say this: you need to get your act together before the world breaks you. I am not an expert who is here to teach you, but I am a fellow survivor, trying to survive and learn. So I decided, why not help those who need it just as much as I do?
To me, crying is not a weakness. It shows that we are human, with feelings and empathy. Of course, one can cry if they feel like it, but I am pointing out a specific situation here. There are times when we face confrontations or criticisms from others. It could be at home, at school, at the workplace, anywhere. Sometimes people just decide that it is time. In situations like these, some very well-controlled people handle it like a champion. How do they do that? That is my question. There are some people who go into absolute denial, some become angry and some, unfortunately, me being one of them, end up crying. Now I might be wrong about others, but for me, I don’t cry because they are falsely claiming something, not necessarily. I cry because I hate that I’m in that situation at that moment. I cry because I hate myself for doing something that led me to that point. The focus here is not that their claims are wrong or that the moment is not convenient. The focus is the fact that I cry. It makes the opposite person immediately think that I’m weak, and you can’t even blame them for thinking that. One might argue that you cannot always have your guard up, and I agree that you can’t. But for someone like me, I never have my guard up. I always end up looking weak and pathetic in my own eyes. I promise you, no sane person on this earth would like to seem weak in front of someone who is criticising them or confronting them about something they find unacceptable. So how do we face this situation without breaking down?
The answer might make you laugh, but it is truly that simple: you smile. Whatever the criticism may be, even if it is absolutely baseless or false, if you have decided that you will not accept it, you just smile. Smiling does not necessarily mean that you are agreeing with them. You can smile and still confront them about their accusations if the situation demands it, but it is important that you don’t cry. Yes, I know it isn’t easy. Yes, I know sometimes you can’t help it. That’s where practice and consistency come in. Try practising smiling in front of the mirror every day. Whenever you feel like the pressure of a situation is getting to you, where you are not supposed to cry or where you have to get a grip on your emotions, put a smile on your face. If it becomes hard to steady your focus, try singing a song in your head or try reciting a poem or prayer. If you wake up every day, put a smile on your face and continue to do so at every gathering and every moment that requires it, I assure you it will be a lot easier to do so when you don’t feel like it. I am not here to argue with those who think it is normal for an adult to start crying when they are confronted with an uncomfortable situation. I am just here to share and help.
Smiling comes easily when you are happy, but it is a lot harder to smile when you need it but the situation is difficult. Practising this thing every day makes it a habit. A few benefits that come with being a person who always has a smile on their face are that people find you kind, attractive, confident and optimistic.
Nowadays, I always find five out of ten people being absolutely rude or depressed. No in-between. Either they are too rude to smile or too upset. It genuinely bothers me that we are losing solidarity among ourselves because of this. Even though I focused on smiling instead of crying because crying shows weakness, there are many other reasons we should smile more. Smiling is a miraculous thing to me, if I’m being honest. Just a smiling expression and it can change a whole environment. It can melt hearts. It can heal wounds. Some people think that too much smiling makes you seem “too welcoming” or “weird”, but I think it makes you seem heartwarming. You don’t need to smile to please others; just smile for yourself. After all, smiling does not require any money. So instead of crying, smile, silly.
The writer is a student of Department of International Relations at Bangladesh University of Professionals. andalibyousha03@gmail.com